How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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