So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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