i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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