she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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