I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
