I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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