Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
