then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
