dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
