i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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