I wish they made helmets for livers.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
