He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
