K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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