Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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