so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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