I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
