god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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