I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
