chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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