you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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