I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
