this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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