I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
