You work out of a Hotel?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
