So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
