Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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