That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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