do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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