I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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