I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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