well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
