Well douche your snatch and let's go!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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