I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
