If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
