Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
