What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize