I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
