I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
