I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
