Nicole vs. Life
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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