ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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