and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Panties = found
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
