Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i love accidental penises.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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