i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
