We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
