I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
