i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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