i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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