...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
