dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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