It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
