My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
