I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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