i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
