***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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