I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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