Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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