for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
