I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
is that a dick in a sweater?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
