Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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