Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
