K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
