I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize