I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my liver is dry heaving
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
