I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
