If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
