You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
