My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
