I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
