haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
wow bdsm is so cute
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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