I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize