you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
