just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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